Zen Judaism

I didn't think there was an e-mail forward left in this world that would actually make me crack a smile. My dear friend Hilary, my hat's off to you!

(It's my blog and I'll comment if I want to, comment if I want to, comment if I want to. You would comment too, if this blog belonged to you!)

Zen Judaism

• If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
• Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
• Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip... joy. With the second... satisfaction. With the third, peace. With the fourth, a danish. (Preferably prune or poppy seed!)
• Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
• Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy." (HA! Don't I know it!?)
• There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited... And whose fault was that?
• Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.
• The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish. (Rumor has it that the Tao's matzo balls are hard as rocks, too. I'm just saying...)
• Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this, and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
• Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
• To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
• To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
• Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of terminal illness. (Hi, MOM!)
• The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So maybe you are off the hook?
• The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish? (Sorry Mom & Dad, I just had to marry the goy next door.)