Dear Anonymous,
I agree, it did go beyond good old fashioned venting, although it really, truly was angry, frustrated, hyper-venting and once it was out, it was over. And that's one of the things I feel terrible about. Something that exploded out of a bunch of frustrated people on a temporary, private board after a heated argument should've disappeared into private oblivion forever.
Although not a justification, I do think that what started out as regular venting went farther because people felt safe because it was a private place. Unfortunately, it mistakenly didn't remain that way. Don't get me wrong, it's not getting caught that I'm sorry for (although I do feel awful that anyone would have to read what was written), I feel personally mortified that I wrote a lot of what I wrote in the first place.
If I'd just been honest with one of the people up front, it still would've sucked but it would've been a hell of a lot better than what happened. The real thing about it is that I think the people I, and others wrote about are actually nice, good people. And they didn't deserve to have to read the comments they did.
I wish so much that we'd been able to find a way to destroy the stuff that was posted (and once it was discovered that it had turned public via cache and people were being hurt by it, we tried everything we could to kill it so more people wouldn't be hurt).
I wish I hadn't posted what I posted.
I wish no one had been curious enough to search.
I wish that it had never been found.
I wish that when it was found, it wasn't shared.
I wish it was possible to go back in time and I wish it could be erased.
I wish that it wouldn't hurt people.
I wish that the people who were hurt by my words would also know the good things I think about them (not that it matters now). Unfortunately, no one really vents about the good stuff.
I wish I'd been careful not to just open up and say whatever came through my mind in the moment instead of thinking before speaking.
I wish all of these things so that the fewest possible people would've been hurt.
Unfortunately, that's not what happened, and now some very good, nice people have been hurt. And some very good, nice people feel terrible about being the cause.
7 Comments:
The past is the past.
Love you muchly, Lori.
Thanks Molly. I really appreciate it.
And you're right, of course, but sometimes a nice time machine would *SO* come in handy.
I've probably lost more sleep over saying things out of turn than any other cause. I'm almost 40 now, but I still catch myself being a gabby imbecile sometimes. It sucks worse than anything.
Hope there's no lasting damage and that friends remain friends.
You are the nicest Lori.
Much kinder and better than I can ever hope to be. Actually I kind of like my newly aquired badass attitude, maybe I'll go beat up some more frat boys?
That past is the past but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter in the present.
Zig, you know how I feel about it all. You have done all you can do. It's time to let some of it go my friend.
I just stumbled upon this because of of occasionally reading of some of the blogs. And I guess with the whole "discovery" of cache, I had an appropriate amount shock over some of the post (as these internet things go). And as far as the adults are concerned because we're adults, not always acting like it but we cope, we can defend ourselves, we make decisions on what we put out there and deal with the judgment that results. But you know when it crossed over into making fun of someone's kid. And a totally awesome kid at that, I got a little pissed. Still pissed when I think about it. Whatever your issues are with posters, that just went TOO far. I might add that he's completely well adjusted and probably less likely to need therapy than whoever posted suggesting he would. I just saw him last weekend and couldn't help but think about the posts and what a cool young man he actually is. And regardless of your opinion of his mother, she has done an awesome job.
I understand you feel (felt) bad and yeah time machines would be really handy. But yeah, I guess it's past the time to let go.
Sheila, I agree and understand why you'd be pissed. If I had any way to get a hold of his mother, I would apologize to her personally. I don't doubt that he's a great kid and I know he has a very loving mom. When you talk to B, please let her know that I'm very sorry.
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