Monday, January 30, 2006

Guest Blogger

Hello, my name is Munchie. I used to be a tiny, sweet, scrawny little stray cat whose head was too big for her body. Zigkvetch, or as I like to call her, High-Pitched-Food-Giver found me on the side of the road one night.

Image hosting by Photobucket

She brought me home and showed me to Low-Pitched-Food-Giver, and I knew I had a good thing, so I played it up with perfection (I always knew those years of doing Shakespeare in the Park would come in handy). I cuddled and purred and nuzzled in as close to their necks as I could; a veritable vessel of love:

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Of course, it worked like a charm; these Food-Givers are really quite dull. Soon I had completely infiltrated their house, lives and hearts. MUAHAHAHAHA! Yes, it was all part of my evil plan. (You can see a foreshadowing of evil in that last picture, can't you? CAN'T YOU?!)

Slowly, I began to train them to uphold my expectations and cater to my every whim. Soon I had them in my pink little paw. I was eating bits of cheese and the occasional edamame; I was allowing them to hold me only upon my convenience and consent; I captured and occupied the couch by the window, and of course, took to lounging and lolling about wherever I damn well pleased...

Image hosting by Photobucket

But still, they have far to go. When they pick me up prior to getting my express permission, I must hiss and lash my tail in utter outrage. Of course I still just lay there and cuddle in a little because, it truly is cozy, but not without voicing my wrath!

And what do the Food-Givers do? They laugh at me and cuddle me more! Insolent fools! How dare they!?

Image hosting by Photobucket

So, I've devised a fiendish new plan. Now that I have tripled in size, I shall lie upon my back in front of them and purr. No Food-Giver can resist the power of the fur belly! So furry and round- most excellent to behold! How can they not touch it in awe?

And therein lies the trap. With one touch, I shall spring into action and shred them within inches of their lives and gnash my teeth into their flesh. Of course, I won't actually use my claws or actually bite them- that would just be uncouth. Beneath me, even. Probably unsanitary. Nay, I am quite sure that my show of sheer ferocity shall scare them into being far more docile pets, er, Food-Givers. They'll know who's boss.

BEHOLD!

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

How dare you take pictures, madam!?

Hey! Stop it! Stop it, I say!

Why are they continuing to try to oodle my belly? They should be shaking in terror! Stop it! (oh my, that tickles!) HALT! (Damnation! I just let out a little purr.) Must...thwart...enemy...

Damn you! DAMN YOU!

Curses! Foiled again. This is not over, Food-Givers. Oh no, this is not over...

7 Comments:

At 7:52 PM , Blogger Marianne said...

Munchie! Oh, she is such a love. And can't believe how delightfully squishy she has gotten!

I should have her over for salmon croquettes.

 
At 8:22 PM , Blogger amy corinne said...

Munchie's gotten so big! I'd like to pet her.

 
At 3:05 PM , Blogger Melissa said...

Wee Munchie has grown into her body! I wish to kiss her nose. And perhaps yours as well.

 
At 8:31 PM , Blogger leanne said...

I need to visit her.

 
At 12:24 AM , Blogger ZigKvetch said...

Melissa, that's the best offer I've had all week!

Munchie would like me to tell all of you that she would love to have you all over for tea. And bring the croquettes. And you, with the new ring? Bring that too- she likes the sparkly. Lastly, she requests that Amy brings Rocco over as they have "much to plan, er, talk about."

 
At 8:47 PM , Blogger Megan said...

Meep!

 
At 6:59 PM , Blogger Flipsycab said...

BELLY!! I love hefty kitties!!!

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home