Monday, January 30, 2006

Guest Blogger

Hello, my name is Munchie. I used to be a tiny, sweet, scrawny little stray cat whose head was too big for her body. Zigkvetch, or as I like to call her, High-Pitched-Food-Giver found me on the side of the road one night.

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She brought me home and showed me to Low-Pitched-Food-Giver, and I knew I had a good thing, so I played it up with perfection (I always knew those years of doing Shakespeare in the Park would come in handy). I cuddled and purred and nuzzled in as close to their necks as I could; a veritable vessel of love:

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Of course, it worked like a charm; these Food-Givers are really quite dull. Soon I had completely infiltrated their house, lives and hearts. MUAHAHAHAHA! Yes, it was all part of my evil plan. (You can see a foreshadowing of evil in that last picture, can't you? CAN'T YOU?!)

Slowly, I began to train them to uphold my expectations and cater to my every whim. Soon I had them in my pink little paw. I was eating bits of cheese and the occasional edamame; I was allowing them to hold me only upon my convenience and consent; I captured and occupied the couch by the window, and of course, took to lounging and lolling about wherever I damn well pleased...

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But still, they have far to go. When they pick me up prior to getting my express permission, I must hiss and lash my tail in utter outrage. Of course I still just lay there and cuddle in a little because, it truly is cozy, but not without voicing my wrath!

And what do the Food-Givers do? They laugh at me and cuddle me more! Insolent fools! How dare they!?

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So, I've devised a fiendish new plan. Now that I have tripled in size, I shall lie upon my back in front of them and purr. No Food-Giver can resist the power of the fur belly! So furry and round- most excellent to behold! How can they not touch it in awe?

And therein lies the trap. With one touch, I shall spring into action and shred them within inches of their lives and gnash my teeth into their flesh. Of course, I won't actually use my claws or actually bite them- that would just be uncouth. Beneath me, even. Probably unsanitary. Nay, I am quite sure that my show of sheer ferocity shall scare them into being far more docile pets, er, Food-Givers. They'll know who's boss.


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How dare you take pictures, madam!?

Hey! Stop it! Stop it, I say!

Why are they continuing to try to oodle my belly? They should be shaking in terror! Stop it! (oh my, that tickles!) HALT! (Damnation! I just let out a little purr.) Must...thwart...enemy...

Damn you! DAMN YOU!

Curses! Foiled again. This is not over, Food-Givers. Oh no, this is not over...

Could I Be More Boring? My Current Addictions

Ok, so I'm not living life on the edge. Here are my current addictions:

  • Tomato juice (I've begun referring to it as liquid crack. What does it mean that tomato juice actually seems to have the power to lift my spirits?)
  • Project: Runway (I can't help it. I love the Santino. And the adorable Klum.)
  • My friend, Mrs. Canada's new food blog (The Unemployed Cook - check it out!)
  • Roasted chicken (with Brummel & Brown, garlic and fresh sage and thyme under the skin, and stuffed with lemons and onions)
  • "Wings of Desire" (amazing movie- highly recommended)
  • Sibelius' second symphony (I had such a negative connotation with this piece after having to play it in college next to the bitchiest flutist ever. After yesterday's concert however, I've fallen deeply, passionately in love with it.)
  • Ginger and Jameson's (no mom, I'm not an alcoholic)
  • Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee, black or with milk and Equal (this is less an addiction as it is a way of life)
  • Keen jewelry (Feel free to buy me presents! Really. I want those green stone earrings with the silver circles.)
  • Living vicariously through Rachael's pregnancy and Leanne's wedding planning! (Yay for both, and your partners in crime!)
  • The new Food Network shows, "Ham on the Street," and "Restaurant Makeover" and all the new food competitions.

And that's all I've got for tonight. Like I said, I'm boring. But cute. And really, that's the most important thing.

Monday, January 23, 2006

I Should Have Stayed in Bed Today

I should’ve stayed in bed today.

I woke up late and it was snowing ridiculously this morning. So I figured that maybe I’d just work from home. But my computer wouldn’t work right, so I had to reboot, and by the time it came back up and told me that I had a 9:00 interview, I was frantic.

I rushed to get ready, brushed off the car, and started driving to work. Twice, I lost control of the car and drove into a snowbank, even though I was going at a snail's pace. But did I turn around and go home? Oh no. Onward I went, now 20 minutes late for my interview.

I figured I’d just park my car illegally near the side entrance, run in, do the interview, and run back out. I got in, and the kid had only just arrived himself, and my co-worker was just getting him through the application. So, I go in to my office, get my computer going, and after I learned that I wouldn’t have time to interview him after all, I went back outside to my car. My car that won’t start. At all.

I believe the maniacal laughing/crying started at that point.

So I traipse back in and call AAA. The idiot on the phone asks me what the problem is. I tell her that the car won’t start and that I’m not sure if it’s the battery or gas or what. She asks me what I want. I think about telling her that I want to go back to bed or world peace and a hamburger, but I digress. I tell her I want someone to come out and look at it and either bring me a little gas, jump my car or tow me to a garage. She very annoyed-ly tells me that I can only have 2 things done- either gas & jump, gas & tow, or jump & tow. Again, she asks me what I want. I tell her that I don’t know. She asks me what I think is wrong with the car. Really. She really asks me this. So I tell her that that’s actually why I’m calling her. She tells me again that she can only put 2 things down or else it will be too long and they’re all too busy. For this “service” I pay HOW MUCH per year? Anyway, I say gas and tow and figure I’ll sweet talk the guy when he gets here, if it needs a jump. It did need a jump and apparently needs a new battery, and I have no idea whether it’s actually going to start up when I go out there in a few minutes. If all else fails, I guess I could just sleep in my office and roll around in the snow in the morning to get clean.

I also screwed up on something for my boss, got yelled at by one of the people who reports to me and had a million and 3 meetings today.

Happy New Year!!!

(Ahh, the first kvetch of the new year. It brings a gentle tear to one's eye, doesn't it?)

Shout out to my homegirls Flipsycab and Suzanne! And also to darling Paul and Angel who keep bugging me to finally get my butt to see Brokeback Mountain (I want to see this SO badly!).