Thursday, December 22, 2005

Oh, and another thing...

Et tu, Damon?

Johnny Damon, you rat bastard traitor. Yeah, because you need that extra money. Because obviously you aren't making enough to live on, what with the book, Dunkin Donuts commercials, oh, and the buttload of money you make every year for PLAYING BASEBALL.

Choke on it.

Not that I'm bitter...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

It's gOOd, I think!

Sorry, it's midnight and I'm working with Iron Chef on, and if one more damn woman judge says, "it's gOOd, I think" one more damn time, I may scream.

How about some new snowflakes? (Shut UP. I know that creating and then downloading snowflakes is pathetic and sad, but it's my blog, and I'll pathetic and sad if I want to.)

Monday, December 19, 2005

Monday, Monday (Nah, naaaah, nah, na-nah nah...)

It's Monday. It was a little shaky today. One of my team found her new workspace so awful she cried almost all day- even after I assured her we'd move her and give her plenty of room. The other groused and growled and was generally miserable. I've tried to stay very low-key and not exacerbate the situation. I always seem to exacerbate the situation no matter what, though- sometimes just by breathing.

Anyway. I had a co-worker come over and hug me twice today, so proud she was of my miraculous turn into the owner of a neat office. She also made me promise to keep it this way twice today. Normally, I'd slap someone upside the head and tell them to mind their own beeswax, but she's a sweet person and means no harm (Anne, you'll know who I'm talking about!). The funniest part is that she isn't exactly known for her unclutter either.

I'm a little woozy from paint fumes and the toxic fumes eminating from my new mouse pad. The mousepad came from a competitor and I'm starting to wonder if it's some kind of slow-acting nerve gas, used to take the competition down, one employee at a time.

I walked around the new building today. I still love it. The cafeteria was supposed to be open, but it's been delayed, so instead, they sprung for free bagels/pastries/muffins and fresh coffee in all the break areas today and tomorrow. A nice gesture to say the least-- and the coffee was damn good!

I took a 5 minute break this afternoon to make snowflakes. I may be addicted. Is there a 12-step program for cyber-snowflake makers yet? There should be.

I found the best little note while I was cleaning out all my crap from the old office, and it's one of the few things I saved. It's from the little Doodle herself (although she's not exactly little anymore)- my friend Keri's daughter, from probably 5 years or so ago. It's scribbled on lavender paper and says the following:

Dear Lori,
I was here last night. I stole one of your thumbtacks to hang up my snowman picture if you go into mom's office you will see it! You can't miss it!! The tack's orange.

Love Your Friend,
D. Doodle
(various happy faces with tongues sticking out and a 4-petalled flower)

P.S. I had a sip of your water!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Make Your Own Snowflake!

Who couldn't use some addictive fun on a Sunday afternoon?

Thanks for finding this, Melissa!

Here's my favorite of the ones I made (please notice the bear, the monster, and the cat):

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Oy, I Hate Moving

Yesterday I packed up my entire office. I can't even begin to describe the mountain of garbage I threw out and recycled. I weep for the trees felled in my relentless pursuit of mediocrity over the years. Jesus. Fuckload o' paper. Anyway, the guys came to pick up the orange crates with which we'd stuffed everything to go to the new offices. I, of course, was the last one still packing, and it was brutal. I bribed the guys with a bag of my beloved cherry cordial kisses, and a hat I had left over from recruiting. Thankfully, it worked.

I hadn't yet even visited the new building when I arrived this morning. When they were giving tours, I was so depressed about my job, I couldn't bring myself to go look at the shiny new building that I was positive I'd never be moving to. In a way, it was probably better that I hadn't seen it, because I was in love as soon as I stepped through the doors.

I have been hearing nothing but complaints for the last week. The walls are paper thin. They didn't set up the offices the way we'd requested. It's too cold. It's too hot. Thankfully, I had the common sense (who knew I had any?!) to keep an open mind. I love the building, soft peach and lavender walls and all. I love the new building smell. I love that I work in a behemoth of a building. And oh, do I love my office.

It's smaller than my old office, but the ceiling is a bit higher, and the top 1/3 is glass, so I actually have a little natural light coming through! When I step out of my office, I turn right and look out the floor-to-ceiling windows that make up the big office's back wall. The few of us who were in today actually got together for an impromptu meeting in front of those windows, and sat on the floor! I'm telling you, it's a whole new world. (Don't sing. Really.) The windows look out on a little landscaping and some woods beyond. It's so pretty. The site ops manager came by and I told him I was thinking about raising some chickens out back. He told me he thought the cafeteria might not approve. Damn.

My office has such a cozy feel to it. A girl could improve her attitude in a setting like this, I tell you! What? Stranger things have happened. Oh, hush.

So yeah, the walls are paper thin, they haven't installed one of my flip cabinets and a shelf, and I've been both hot and cold today. Whatever. It's a good change of scenery and I'm (are you sititng down?) happy.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Random Sweet (and Salty!) Nothings for Friday

If you haven't tried these two wonderfully tasty treats yet, get thee to a market and get yourself some!

  • Rold Gold (Jeez, would it really have killed them to add the extra L and E? But I digress...) Butter *Checkers* pretzels made with Land O Lakes butter. Hot damn these are yummy and filled with buttery goodness.
  • Hershey's Limited Edition Cherry Cordial Kisses! Really chocolate-covered cherry goodness without the scary disintegrating cherry. That's right- just chocolate and cherry flavored goo.

Have you seen that commercial where 2 squirrels are playing a new handheld videogame player and discussing it in terms of nuts and other squirrelly things? One of the squirrels says something that the other squirrel finds completely preposterous, so he says in disgust, "Squirrel, PLEASE." It cracks me up every single time. And now I'm saying it. And I may or may not have shared this with my kids at flute choir last night, so they may or may not be driving their parents crazy with the phrase at this very moment.

I also love the petulant Stormtrooper Burger King commercial. Don't judge.

I'm supposed to move offices today, and I'm nowhere near ready and have yet another meeting to go to. Gah!

It's rainy/slushy/icy out and that, my friends, is pure ugly. I'd rather have snow. Which reminds me- one of my students made me promise to say "Snowbunny" right before I went to bed last night. Apparently, the mere utterance of this word magically makes it a school's-cancelled-snow day. Or maybe you have to really believe as well, which in this case, means those poor kids are screwed today and have to go to school.

When is my sushi going to get here?!

Ooh, I must've asked that with strong belief because IT'S HERE!


Thursday, December 15, 2005

How Could I Forget? Or: Hey, I Happen to LOVE Chopped Liver!

When I recapped below, I totally forgot to mention that I met someone I've known for years, but had never met before! (I know, it sounds like a riddle a troll who lives under a bridge would ask a billy goat, but stick with me.)

You see, I have been a member of a group of Internet friends (Stop fucking laughing. Clearly you're jealous.) for years and years. We started off together as a crazy bunch of girls on a message board for a now-sucky magazine and through the years we've relocated, splintered, added new friends, and somehow all kept in touch. With the splintering, after a very dramatic message board war (I said to stop fucking laughing. Don't make me turn this blog around!), I now consider myself an extremely lucky member of two wonderful, private online communities. Some of my friends hang out in both places, and some are only at one or the other. I love them all.

So anyway, there is this one woman, we'll call her BUNNYROCK, who I've begun to get to know better over the last few years, but have been posting with since day one. She's funny, adorable, has her finger on the pulse of all things celebrity gossipish, is an artist, an interesting person and has a penchant for monkeys, perfect dye jobs and peanut butter. What's not to love? (This obviously explains why she is also the target for a myriad of love letters from Nigerian men who want to marry her on MySpace.)

Well, she was in town a month or so ago, and I finally got to meet her face to face! She was lovely and sweet and we got on like the old friends we were. I was late (what else is new?) but I insisted on driving into Cambridge to come see her anyway, because I just refused to miss my one opportunity to finally meet her. After getting completely lost on my way to her hotel, I finally found her and she was even more adorable and nice in person. I gave her the cheap and dirty car tour of Boston while we chatted away about everything from love and jobs to Trader Joe's, must-have coats, and her bohemian life when she followed a band around (seriously, how cool is that?). We could've gone on and on for hours. I wish we had!

When she got back home, she made me a beautiful pair of earrings (I'll have to take a picture and post it) with little lavender crystals and freshwater pearls and sent them off to me, much to my pleasant surprise.

And what do I do, nebbish that I am?

I recap the last few months without even so much as a mention. What a jerkwad.

So, dear Bunnyrock, you are not chopped liver at all my friend, but even if I thought you were, it would be a compliment coming from me, because I happen to love me some chopped liver.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Cleaning Out

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet, {one more time}, I said i'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet...

Who am I kidding? My mother will be thrilled to hear that I actually cleaned something. Cry? Tears of joy and disbelief, maybe.

Ok, I'm not cleaning out my closet, but I am cleaning out my office in order to move into the new building. It's amazing the amount of crap one can aquire through the years. So, since I'm in a brutal TRASH IT! mode, I thought I'd say goodbye to some of the most random things that won't be accompanying me to the new office.

Goodbye Tactile-Kinesthetic learning aid. It was fun to take all the brightly colored wooden shapes and form them into other geometric shapes as a break from eye-melting spreadsheets and irritating people. I found you in a donated box of school supplies from a retired teacher, amongst hundreds of dried out pens and some broken chalk (it's the thought that counts).

Goodbye giant yellow Japanese cartoon character water bottle from a sushi chain. You were a good water bottle, but I was a bad owner who never took you home and rinsed you out. And now, alas, it is too late. I believe the 3 years of dust you've accumulated would be toxic even after my best cleaning efforts.

Goodbye M&M collectors' tin decorated like a carousel. Yeah, I have no idea why I kept you for so long once the M&Ms were gone. See ya.

Goodbye sad little birdhouse that a former co-worker made for all of us one year. Complete with fake bird. Dust to dust, my friend.

Goodbye unopened cans of soup I found in my drawer. A pity that I'm not brave enough to risk ptomaine poisoning by eating you, 3 years later.

Goodbye mugs with advertising on them. You're going to that great kiln in the sky, friends.

Goodbye little wooden decorative bucket and the 4,000,000 ketchup, mustard, salt, and Equal packets you miraculously stored. If Jesus had been giving out condiments instead of loaves and fishes, I feel certain that he'd have used you.

Goodbye old straws I found wedged between the table and the wall. Your elegant crust of dust foozles was a hard thing to let go of, but mostly just because it was kind of sticky.

Goodbye useless candle shaped into an ugly birthday cake that someone thoughtfully gave me a few birthdays ago. Nothing says, "Hey! Happy birthday, dear friend!" like a useless and ugly birthday cake candle.

Goodbye binders full of hard work that is completely outdated and useless now. Oh, the hours we've spent together. Kind of makes me wonder why I bother, but I digress...

Goodbye training manuals and materials from crappy trainings past. Intro to Management; Frontpage; Interviewing Skills for Dolts. You gave me so much knowledge during the 3 days I used each of you. Please don't take it personally that I forgot everything by the next week and shoved you onto a shelf and am now callously ripping your guts out into the recycle bin.

I give you all up in sacrificial offering to the gods of recycling and uncluttered offices! I SING THE TRASH BIN ELECTRIC!

(Obviously the copious amounts of dust I've been inhaling have proven hallucinogenic.)

Monday, December 12, 2005

Testing 1, 2, 3, testing! Is this thing on?

Um, hello?

Yeah, I'm still alive and kicking. Ok, maybe not kicking so much as feebly nudging the world with my foot.

Things have been crazy for the last few months, but I'm ok and Mr. ZigKvetch is ok.

I will now provide you with a list of things that we've done/experienced/etc. for the last few months:

  • Went all over the damn place recruiting.
  • On my way back from Cornell, I saw a kid riding his bike while spraying something onto the spokes of his wheels which would then ignite into orange flame. Not much to do in Ithaca.
  • Played a lot of flute.
  • Sighed a lot over the Red Sox.
  • Fretted over Mr. Kvetch who was in a serious car accident and escaped with only a few bruises! (Who else do you know that gets rear-ended on a clear highway, going 65?)
  • Missed my friends who I've/we've had no time for because of work.
  • Worried about my job and the rumors swirling about.
  • Hated my arch nemesis aforementioned in the post below.
  • Had a lovely Thanksgiving with the best turkey ever.
  • Missed my parents.
  • Had a date with Paul to a fabulous drag show. He was a wonderful date, evevn though the two times he left me alone I was picked on by the evening's emcee, Miss Kitty Litter.
  • Went to Philly and met up with 4 of the world's coolest people, Sarah, Michael, Meg and Lauren. I love them all, but oh, that Lauren and Meg. Oh, and BillyChuck! I could just eat him up!
  • Had an Anthropologie bag named after me. (No, really! How cool is that?)
  • Had our bread machine commit suicide by flinging itself off the counter, mid-pizza dough making.
  • Bought a new bread machine.
  • Taught a lot of flute.
  • Starting teaching a special needs student whom I believe is teaching me more than I'm teaching him!
  • Conducted a public holiday flute choir concert. The students were magnificent!
  • Had a student go through a really tough patch that ended up being rather soul-crushing for me. I'm better now, and I think she is too, although we've parted ways.
  • Missed Erin terribly and then, miraculously, started hearing from her again, much to my incredible joy!
  • Learned the joy of cranberry mojitos.
  • Prepared to move offices from our old building to the new one.
  • Learned that my dear friend Rachael is pregnant!!!
  • Had a few lunches with my beloved friend Keri, who probably hates me right now.
  • Tried to be eating buddies with Suzanne, who is doing a great job while I continue to eat like a moo cow. (I'm trying mom- I am!)
  • And a billion other things that I'm not thinking of right now.

I am going to try to gently ease myself back into this blogging business because I think it might just be the cheapest therapy around. I am now off to see if Miss Flipsycab is still around and if she's even still "talking" to me! I hope everyone's winters are going smoothly and that the holiday season isn't driving anyone too bonkers!